How to Recognize and Get Over Commitment Issues
However, our fear of intimacy is often triggered by positive emotions even more than negative ones. In fact, being chosen by someone we truly care for and experiencing their loving feelings can often arouse deep-seated fears of intimacy and make it difficult to maintain a close relationship. The problem is that the positive way a lover sees us often conflicts with the negative ways we view ourselves. Sadly, we hold on to our negative self-attitudes and are resistant to being seen differently. Because it is difficult for us to allow the reality of being loved to affect our basic image of ourselves, we often build up a resistance to love. These negative core beliefs are based on deep-seated feelings that we developed in early childhood of being essentially bad, unlovable or deficient. While these attitudes may be painful or unpleasant, at the same time they are familiar to us, and we are used to them lingering in our subconscious. As adults, we mistakenly assume that these beliefs are fundamental and therefore impossible to correct. Instead, during times of closeness and intimacy, we react with behaviors that create tension in the relationship and push our loved one away.
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Photograph by Shutterstock. All human beings allocate the same deepest longings: to appreciate and be known, to hold after that be held, to love and be loved, to experience connection without walls and expression without censors. And but, when real love is staring you in the eyes, when a adore partner stands before you, you can notice a disconcerting urge to abandon, to put up walls, or constant to run. Love is scary.